How do you want to live your life? How do you want to be remembered when you have taken your last breath? Is it a mirage to end your life well in this crazy and imperfect world?
I wrote this reflection early October 2024 when the Americans were celebrating the 100th birthday of Jimmy Carter, their 39th president on October 1. Carter only served one term of presidency between 1977 and 1981. But, his legacy remains alive forever.
One of his most ultimate achievements during his presidency was the Camp David Accords when he managed to bring Egypt President Anwar Sadat and Israel President Menachem Begin to sign the peace accord in 1978. This political breakthrough ended the tension and conflict between the two countries and had brought about more peaceful atmosphere in the Middle East and the world for half a century.
It is very sad that these days we were witnessing a fierce and bloody war between Israel and Hamas, Hezbollah and Iran.
As a president, however, Carter was considered as just average and he lost to Ronald Reagan who then served two terms of presidency.
Carter was only 56 years when he left The White House. But he was soon moving on with his life. He established the Carter Center and has consistently been working to advance the world’s democracy, human rights, to find peaceful solutions to international conflicts and improve social development.
He also became the ambassador for the Habitat for Humanity for four decades since 1984 promoting the development of simple yet healthy houses and better living for the poorest families of the world. When he was much younger, Carter travelled to many countries to directly visit Habitat housing projects, working with volunteers to help the construction of those houses.
For all his contributions to promote more peaceful solutions to global conflicts, to advance human rights and social improvements, Carter was awarded the Noble Peace prize in 2002, more than two decades after his presidency.
His wife for 77 years, Rosalynn, passed away at the age of 96 in November 2023.
I happened to befriend management guru and NGO activist Anugerah Pekerti who was appointed as chairman of Habitat for Humanity Indonesia some 20 years ago. He once met Jimmy Carter and had a photo shot with the former president. He has been proudly using the photo for years as the reflection of his admiration to what Carter has done throughout his life.
How do you want to be remembered when you have gone forever?
I was personally privileged to be able to know Gouw Su Khiem, my mother-in-law. She was just an ordinary woman who tried to live her life the best she could when life was not in favor with her.
She was only 36 when her beloved husband Yap Khiem Pun passed away in April 1956. She had seven children, the youngest Liena Winarsih – whom I got married to in 1982 – was only two months old when her father died.
My mother-in-law soon took over the small business that her husband left behind: distributing ‘Cap Daun’ tea packs to several shops and restaurants in Pontianak, West Kalimantan. She not only had to feed her children, but also her mother-in-law and her grandmother-in-law who happened to live with her for years.
Life was very hard for the young widow, but she faithfully persisted and the Lord Almighty showered all her efforts with His blessings, just barely enough to feed all the 10 people living in her home.
She never complained. And she even became an informal family counsellor to help solve or lighten the life burdens of her siblings and in-laws. They were, through the decades, frequented her house to have hearty talks with her and once in a while enjoyed the delicious meals she cooked. Of course, she also served them fragrant and refreshing ‘Cap Daun’ ice tea.
My wife Liena and I lived in Jakarta after we got married in Surabaya in 1982. During her younger years, she loved her mother’s hot chili paste on her meals. Chili in Pontianak was of different species than those sold in Java. They are smaller but much hotter. And Liena was the number one fans of her mother’s hand-made hot chili paste served at the dining table.
My mother-in-law knew exactly what my wife loved most. And for many times, she sent a bottle of her chili paste to her youngest daughter. It was hotter than what I usually consumed at home. But, through the years, I gradually became the number two fans of my mother-in-law’s chili paste.
When we visited her in Pontianak, she never forgot to cook her legendary recipe…prawns in soy sauce gravy. My wife and I – and later also our daughters Niena and Liany – heartily savor the heritage cooking. And my mother-in-law, who was more familiar with the Teochew language and only had very limited Indonesian word vocabularies would encourage me to eat more and more prawns, “Makan…makan…” Her smile was so sweet and even her eyes were twinkling with love and care.
She never got the Nobel peace prize like Jimmy Carter. But she has secured our own version of virtual “Nobel Prize” through all the loves she generously showers us with all through the years.
She died peacefully at the age of 94 a decade ago. We all missed her company. But we never lost her legacy. All the precious and heart-warming memories she left behind will continue to thrive in our hearts and minds…forever. She has enriched our lives so remarkably, cemented our family bonds and steadied our steps to walk closer and closer to our dreams.
How do you want to be remembered when the Lord call you back home? Don’t you want to follow the steps of Jimmy Carter and the late Gouw Su Khiem?
It is high time for us all to reflect where we want our lives heading to in the years to come. It does not matter if you are in your twenties, forties or sixties, it is high time to start living in peace with your own selves, in peace with your Creator, and start exploring the places and the opportunities where you can contribute to help solve the problems all around you.
It does not matter if you get ten like Carter, five or just one portion of asset or talent from God like my beloved mother-in-law. Our parts are just how we do our best with what we get to help change our surroundings for the better; to help those around us to be able to nurture closer ties with their Creator, and yes, to also one day getting the sacred illumination to start doing good to their neighbors like my mother-in-law or to the global humanity like Carter.
The choice is yours.
(HS – Oct 2024)
